Amateur Protagonist Alister Sneddon

I once almost won a procrastinating contest, but I turned up.

Amazing Game Ideas That Need To Be Made

25th March 2014
By Alister Sneddon

Some game ideas are so amazing that no one dares to take them on. Here are a few of the most amazing game ideas I have but not the time to complete. Feel free to poach my ideas like the bottom feeding pawns you are.

The Ex - A Game About Getting Over It
This is a rouge like first person emotional interactive drama. You have broken up with your ex but you stay friends. She was cheating on you the whole time and they are set to know get married as you are out the picture romantically.

The game follows you supporting your ex as everything goes perfectly in her life, all the time you have a sanity and friendship meter. If the friendship meter reaches zero (you didnt spend enough time with her or are mean.) then she bans you from the wedding and spreads lies about you. The game over screen is her husband beats you up in an alleyway and leaves you for dead. You can crawl around on the floor but cant leave the alleyway. The only way to end the game at this point is to power down your computer.

The other meter is the sanity meter which goes down by spending time and being nice to your ex. If it gets to zero then the game ends with you in a broken down home drinking vodka, this is all you can do. Every three drinks the character stands a chance to break down in tears. The only way out of this screen is to turn off your computer.

The game sees you playing best man, not sleeping with any of her friends or anyone that is part of the wedding. You have to keep secrets and wish every to be happy. The best outcome in the game is you get hit by a bus at the end of the wedding. The game is also score based on how fast to reach to questions and tasks. There are high scores to keep the game competitive.

Ragdoll - You Are Not The Player
This is a Kinect only exclusive. In the game you have to move in time with the commands that show up on the screen. The only catch is on your monitor is a fat overweight unemployed pervert. Then sit on their bed playing the game using a controller. This translates into what you have to do in the game.

You can choose between playing a shooter, adventure or MMO game. For each of these you can choose how good the player is, the worse they are the more often you have to redo the same sections.

Also as an added bonus you dont get to see the game you only get to move as told. This game will also include day one DLC with is multiplayer. One player plays a normal game and the actions of the protagonist you have to follow along with.

Depending what you select the player may make you do embarrassing poses while pleasuring themselves. This would be designed and done in such a way to be as disgusting as possible, if you can make someone throw up then you are on the right track.

Power Down Land - The Trails Of Time
This is a timeless classic, a 2D side scrolling plat former. In charming and non-opposing 16-bit style the characters will jump and run their way to the end game. It is a simple and easy game designed for casual play. The games length is around two hours with no real new mechanics, just a fun one time run.

The twist is very few people will ever complete the run. The game will randomly close, this is a completely random chance whenever the game timer clicks over. It is roughly a 30% chance. This chance is rolled whenever the user does an action or a second passes.

This game also features party mode when up to 16 players can all join in to complete the game. The game also is perma death with no save points. When the game closes it completely closes, on the Xbox the machine shuts down and on the PC it will close the window.

The end of the game the player gets to see a random woman flash them, also the women is too 16-bit as to not break the style of the game. There is nothing else to this game.

Crowd Sourced - The Interactive Free Help
In this fourth-wall breaking experimental title the user will program a computer game. This is a pure multiplayer experience. Users are not named and have no interaction with each other but a score. The idea is in four hours the randomly teamed group must produce a game. Over the next two weeks a panel of random players will review the game. They each score it out of 10, this directly adds score to the players who made the game.

The biggest part of the game is every six months a selection of the highest rated games get reviewed by a larger player base. The winner of out these games will each receive $60! Yes thats right its the game that pays its players BACK.

Also all the code produced is owned by the Crowd Sourced developers. This means if this game is not a massive hit you have tones of stuff to make the next big it, all for $60 every six months. What a great deal!

Well that is a big list of pure gold if I say so myself. I look forward to seeing these hits on stream and xbox live arcade over the coming weeks.

Helpful Tips For Handling Customers Financial Details

20th March 2014
By Alister Sneddon

Now everyone knows when you handle someone elses money or financial details you have to be careful. If you are too lax you could give away their details or money to the wrong people. However there are a few banks and companies which have taken a no-shit approach. I am sure we are all very thankful for the delays caused by the high levels of security regarding when I can access their website, one day.

If you deal with overseas customers the first and most important factor to consider is a simple one. Different time zones, how can you maintain high levels of customer service if you are asleep? You could tell your customers that their requests will not be dealt with until next business day in your own time zone. If that scares you, then you could simply not function outside highly restrictive business hours that match only your own country!

Why should I be angry at the six hour window I have to transfer money overseas from an account I own? Hell its not like England and Australia can have a 12 hour time difference or anything. Oh wait, they can totally have a 12 hour time difference. So guess what I am doing during your business hours? Relaxing the fuck out.

Even better is this service does not run on weekends or public holidays, after all we all can clearly see the chaos that putting a request in without the monkeys typing it out would cause. Its not like this is the internet or anything?

Sometimes you need to go into your bank to sort out some details. You know the types of moments when you simply have to go into the bank, the moment you have called three different people and they all say go in and see your bank manager. My bank manager? Heck I met the guy once and he couldnt pronounce my last name, oh and he is always busy or on holiday. Maybe I should go to the bank and stand there until my personal bank manager shows up to help me with my problems of pounds and pennies.

So how can you as a bank make this as easy as possible? Well like with the overseas method there are ways around it, however if we cant offer the service maybe we can cover it up by simply not being open! Genius, everyone in the boardroom screams. We simply close the bank and open in crazy peak of business hours so its really bad in the bank and only people with no jobs can visit us.

Now this happens with a lot of banks so its hard for me to pick on them for that. I mean its not like its the government regarding your tax file number and where your tax rebate goes. Oh wait no its them fuckers too. I have to take a day off work and book an appointment two years in advance and bring everything from a picture of my birth to a blood sample so you can send me the bit of paper that is charging me more money? Did you guys every study anything ever about anything? Why the fuck would I drag my dick through shards of glass only to have you squeeze a lemon over me? Why not make it easy to encourage me to be on top of this?

Still in between people just shutting down important services designed for customers who need it at all hours and having bricks and motor shops closed, its not like you are hiding my money?

Let me just go check my superannuation online, by having my online banking and super linked into one I can see it all any time 24/7. I mean what an amazing system, huh its not showing up. The account is there but no money is showing up. Maybe I can click the name? Nope thats not a link. Oh I see to get access for a number of how much money is in that account I have to go into my bank and ask

But the bank is closed

Fuck you.

Minecraft 1.2.5 Server Running PVP Vanilla No Whitelist

17th March 2014
By Alister Sneddon

Our UK (London) based server provides you with the best Vanilla, fully PVP, no whitelist, always online, always up to date Minecraft Multiplayer Online Action. We pride ourselves on maintaining a secure no rules server. We do enforce a no mods policy however.

What do you mean No Rules?

We wanted to create a normal vanilla Minecraft Server that you could join without applying or paying for. We want you to play the game how you play in single player, only with friends.

If no rules why do you not allow mods?

We feel mods unbalance the game, everyone has an equal chance on our Minecraft Server. It doesnt matter if you are new or been playing from Alpha, our always free, always open server is welcome to you.

Do you always have the latest version running?

We currently have around a 3 or 4 hour delay from a new Minecraft Server Version being released to us going live. By running the standard vanilla version of Minecraft you do not have to worry about slowdowns or delays.

Sounds great what is the IP?

You can join in right now with the following details to our 1.2.5 Minecraft Server.

Is the server full PVP?

Yes it is! You can attack anyone at any time, we feel changing that fact makes the game dull and uninteresting. Once you have built your massive castle you need to protect it! From Monsters and Players!

What is new in the Minecraft 1.2.5 Server Release?

Now you can shift-click inside the furnace for after smithing as well as the direct connect remembering the last IP you joined (so you can come back to us even quicker.) Also there has been some changes to the TNT block, even with a flint and tinder you can punch a block of TNT to get it back (however setting it on fire will activate the TNT!)

Also this new version is bringing in heaps of bug fixes, so be sure to have fun and join the forums!

When And Why Should I Use Static Functions?

11th February 2014
By Alister Sneddon

Now I am by no means the best developer, not the smartest or even the cleverest. I learn new things every day and this is one of the things I learnt some time back that I want to revisit. When I first started programming using Classes I heard about Static Functions but never used them. Yesterday I once again used a Static Function and it struck me that I done so without a second thought.

Like many other programmers who are still learning what many would consider "core skills" I am always eager to try new things in my code, without my thought to if I require it. Part of being a better programmer is knowing when to use the right tools and techniques. The reason for this lengthy introduction is because I have fallen into the trap where I have a hammer and everything looks like a hammer.

Onto Static Functions, now I assume you are aware of the basics of a Class in programming. For this article I will post any code in PHP however the idea and reasons remain the same for almost all Object Oriented Programming Languages.

First to make use of a function inside a Class you are required to declare the Class (normally with a new statement like so.)

$fish = new Fish();

After that you have the class (also known as the object.) in your code and accessible. From here you have access to all public methods and functions within that class, because you have declared it. However lets say you want to check if the name of the fish is already taken. For example:

$fish = new Fish();
$fish_name_free = $fish->is_name_free('carp');
if($fish_name_free) {
    echo 'party';
    echo 'do not worry, there are plenty more fish in the sea!';

Now the code above can easily be improved in a number of ways (for one there really is no need to assign the return of is_name_free to a variable.) however this is a simple example which shows that sometimes creating a new object or class is overkill. What if I told you we never make use of the fish object / class ever again in that section of code?

There really is no need for use to declare the new class /object for such a simple task. Now this is just one example. How about this one:

$endangered = FALSE;
$fish = new Fish();
$locations_of_fish = $fish->all_locations();
foreach ($locations_of_fish as $location) {
    if($location->is_endangered()) {
        $endangered = TRUE;
return $endangered;

Again this code can be improved and really is just proving a point. With the code above all the code we are using can be inside the class, inside protected functions. Do I really need access to all functions I have listed? What if I need to do this pattern in multiple places? No good creating a new function for it as I still in to instant the class / object every time.

A Static Function allows you to make use of the class without ever declaring the class. Now if you need to interact or use the class in multiple ways a Static Function should be avoided. However in both cases I displayed really all I need is a TRUE or FALSE back from the class. I am not going to use the class anywhere else in that script. It is just a one off reference. Also what if I need to use these scripts in multiple places? If I change how my class works I could break a lot of stuff.

Here is the first example but as a static function.

$fish_name_free = Fish::is_this_name_free('carp');
if($fish_name_free) {
    echo 'party';
    echo 'do not worry, there are plenty more fish in the sea!';

Again that code can be improved but as a basic easy to reuse line it makes sense. And now the second script as a static function, even less this time around as we would move all the code to inside the class.

return Fish::is_endangered('carp');

That's it. Now you can reuse that piece of code without worrying about making future changes. Now note that I did not reference any updating, deleting or editing of data in my examples. Generally speaking a Static Function is very handy if you need minimal data back and don't want to be rewriting large chunks of code everywhere.

Now the temptation is to simply have a Static Function that returns the object but doesn't create the class. So basically you can access all the variables the class would normally set but none of the functions. Unless you really have to lock down your code and don't want people using your functions this is not a good idea. You will end up limiting yourself unless you have a very good reason to use the Static Function.

Some examples of Static Functions I have seen range from simply performing checks if something is TRUE or FALSE and even the crediting of customers' accounts, if there is an error the Static Function just returns and exception prompting the client to get in touch with the develops (because there is very little that could go wrong.) the reason it was in a Static Function was so it could easily be called and if any changes were made to the class it would not affect the customers getting their credits, because that is still called in the same way.

Anyway I hope you find Static Functions as exciting as I do!

Helping You Understand JSON And Why We Love It

9th February 2014
By Alister Sneddon

So who is this JSON fella and whats he doing fooling around in my PHP. Well first thing my English Chap is lets get the tools very clear here. Firstly, if you are going to be making an AJAX application chances are you want to use JSON to transfer the data in between requests.

So for lets not reinvent the wheel and end up with a square. I mean thousands of years of evolution and the wheel is still round. So lets get it right with our tools to help us debug and get writing some sexy AJAX using JSON. First ensure you are using Google Chrome as your browser. The debugging in Chrome is extremely fantastic, sure you can get FireFox and then get FireBug plugin, I find most people who do that than get Chrome also enjoy dicks in their arse. Just sayin'.

Now we want to use jQuery as our JavaScript "framework" the reason for this is jQuery is polished and wants to do everything it can to make our lives sexier. Simply using jQuery day to day will increase your chances of getting laid (not verified.) Now what we want to do is basically an AJAX post/get to a PHP which returns some useful information that we then display on the page.

So lets clear up what JSON is and why we are not using the AJAX XML. JSON stands for JavaScript Object Nipples. The important bit is Object. JSON works with JavaScript Objects, so you can serialise a form into an object or if you use a PHP framework like CodeIgniter chances are you are already using objects in your code. Well I hope you are.

So lets come up with some example that we can use JSON for Erm Should of done this before hey? Why not get a random insult display thing? I like that idea. We will make a button that triggers a JSON request to pull back an insult. Or something, lets see what happens.

First lets make a basic index page, something fun maybe. Tell ya what lets shake this up and make the index page HTML, so make an index.html file. Be sure to reference jQuery in your header as well, just get it from Google than dicking around with downloads for now. Here is my code.

<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN"
<title>Damn Girl - I Like The Way You Move</title>
* {font:14px verdana;padding:0;margin:0;color:purple;}
body {text-align:center;margin-top:50px;}
h1,h2 {font-size:18px;margin-bottom:7px;}
<script src=""></script>
<!-- We will play around with these! -->
<h1 id="header"></h1>
<h2 id="subheader"></h2>

<!-- Better have a button or something -->
<a href="" onClick="OnShitBusta(); return false;">
    There Are So Many Things I Like About You

<!-- Feel free to delete the next bit, if you don't mind me hunting you down, game on bitches -->
<p>I stole from because I am a cheapskate.</p>

<!-- Yeah I am putting script stuff here, deal with it -->
<script type="text/javascript">
// This means when the page has finished loading do this
$(function() {

// This is a JavaScript function, you knew that right?
function OnShitBusta() {

As you see here I have some JavaScript setup already. Now basically I am going to call the function we want on page load. So not only do you learn about your friend JSON but you learn about loading elements of a page after the page has finished loading. This may save your life on day. (Note it may not, but is helpful.)

Note in my code the A tag that links to my site which has an onClick event. This call the same JavaScript function as the document ready. Also it has return false after it. Try clicking the link and nothing will happen. The return false stops it from working as a link, yet still activates the JavaScript function.

Lets start by editing OhShitBusta to make a get request to a PHP file (which we will write in a mo.)

function OnShitBusta() {
  $.getJSON("WhoMe.php", function(data) {

So he is a break down. getJSON is a jQuery function that takes a number of parameters. We have no need to send data so we will simply get data back. By using getJSON we are saying we are expecting a JSON postback from the PHP we are calling. This means we don't need to do any decoding or anything unexpected. We then take the data (postback from the script) and fill them suckas in. Now reloading the page does nothing but give you errors. You should get a 404 error in your network tab. If not you must be off track or some kind of God. I say off track.

Now then, lets create this sexy PHP page. I will comment some of it so you understand it. Be sure to pay attention as lots of people get lost at this point. (PHP file is called WhoMe.php)

// We store stuff in the array
$result = array();
// The key is how we reference it on the other end, remember what we were calling from data postback
$result['headline'] = 'But Most Of All';
$result['lovethemsubs'] = 'But YEAH Most Of All';
// Encode it like you have never encoded before
echo json_encode($result);

Now this is pretty easy, so after you complete the page save it and then rerun your index.html file. Nothing happens, then the page finishes loading and BAM. Code bitches. Have a look at the network tab and you can see the data coming back from the request. Now in situations where you have tones of data or information that is hidden unless requested then using this method of loading (maybe even on click than page load) can save you seconds when it comes to showing the user what they really want. Save the extras unless they need them.

Now this is pretty unimpressive. You see how easy it is to use JSON in the JavaScript, it is already an object so JavaScript loves it. Let's make the PHP more interesting so when you click the link something happens.

// We store stuff in the array
$result = array();

// Make this random
$random = array(
'Bitch Please',
'I Like The Way Your Friend Moves',
'I Hate So Many Things About You',
'I Hate The Way You Smell So Strong',
'I Like The Way You Cant Dance',
'I Like The Way You',
'YEAH Most Of All',
'But Most Of All',
'I Wish You Didnt Put Your Hands In The Air',
'I Wish You Didnt Stare So Much'
// Get a random element for each line
$headLine = array_rand($random);
$subLine = array_rand($random);

// The key is how we reference it on the other end, remember what we were calling from data postback
$result['headline'] = $random[$headLine];
$result['lovethemsubs'] = $random[$subLine];
// Encode it like you have never encoded before
echo json_encode($result);

Nothing to be scared of here, just creating a random array which we then select an element (key/index) from and then call that element for each line, I find this combination of lines is pretty funny what comes up.

So load up the page and see the random message. Then click the link and it will change! Keep an eye on the network tab to get an idea of what is happening and what the magic happen.

I may have been listening to this.

My personal favourite that came up was:
Bitch Please
I Wish You Didnt Put Your Hands In The Air

Hehe, anyway I hope this was a fun and different intro to using JSON in your PHP projects to load elements of a page after the page has been loaded as well as basic jQuery usage. No need to thank me, just give me all of your money.

GIT vs SVN In NetBeans The Basics - What Not To Do

7th February 2014
By Alister Sneddon

Currently where I work we use SVN for our version control. This makes a lot of sense for the original project. One main project which everyone should have the same code to, at no point should there be a conflict.

Sadly the real world does not fit around perfect situations, to quote a co-worker. Nothing is perfect but that's ok. It was not long before the need for splitting and merging trees reared its ugly head. Suddenly using SVN seemed like the final nail in a coffin. Merging two trees in SVN is like getting a chocolate and vanilla ice cream cone and smashing them together considering the end result to be vanilla with a hint of chocolate.

GIT luckily does a much better job of merging and managing code, it is also faster (however in general usage of larger projects it is not really worth mentioning.) Where GIT comes into its own is the merging. SVN has one centre point that everything references. GIT everyone has a local as well as a remote copy. You can play with your remote copy all you want then merge your local to the remote location to merge with everyone else.

This is a good and a bad thing. The good thing is this method does not require a consent internet connection to commit changes (as they commit to your local until you push them to the remote location.) it is also good for the graceful merging of documents. This make three-way vendor merging very simple (not easy, three way merging is never easy, if anyone says it is, kick them in the fucking balls.) The bad point is because of the extra process (the local repo) there is an extra step involved in learning and using GIT over SVN.

I can see the advantages of GIT and wish to learn more so I jumped in like the stupid person that I am. I signed up on BitBucket to get a remote repository for free (turns out you get loads more free too!) From there I downloaded my code from my FTP server. Now you can't simply upload code to GIT as a first commit.

One does not simply

I had to create a new folder and turn that into my local repository. Then I had to push the first commit from my local to BitBucket (nice and easy with push.) Then my files were all on the remote repository. Now I had to boot up Netbeans to use GIT and get editing some code.

Now here is where I went majorly wrong, so I will say the way I think it should be done. My problem was I already had the code and I was attempting to simply say "Hey GIT here is my code keep an eye on that while I do unspeakable things to it KTHXBI." To which GIT gave me the middle finger and was all like "Hey why not fuck you?"

So first you need to create a new local repository from NetBeans and then you need to do a pull/fork request on the remote server. From there you will get all your code and it will be correctly setup. I had no idea it was a twostep process. Remember GIT uses a local repo to do all the work which you then go outside of NetBeans to push your local to the remote.

This is more involved than the more simplistic SVN. However there is an argument for both, in my personal example SVN would have been a better option, as internet connection and having my code in different places at the same time is not a beneficial factor for me. I was looking for version control of my own personal code.

GIT however should be your first move for group projects, sooner or later merging will come up and everyone will look at someone and say "Who suggested this fucking crap?" That said it is worth having some experience in both, like most things in programming it is more about knowing the right time to use one of your tools than picking the best for everything.

When you have only a hammer everything looks like a nail.

When you only have a screwdriver everything needs to be screwed, which is a chat up line I have yet to see work.

Moving From Your Website Email To Gmail

5th February 2014
By Alister Sneddon

If like me you have been using your website's default email client then you are either scared or crazy. You may also be crazy scared or scared crazy but that is for another article.

I have had my email for some time now, three years to be spot on. At first I used squirrel mail which handled HTML emails like how I handle assault inquires, I don't. After that my host was kind enough to upgrade me to round cube. Which honestly is really, really good.

However I have an Android phone, for years I have been setting up my POP3 accounts left right and centre, I could tell you my default settings off by heart. I have a terrible memory yet I have had to setup my email so many times in so many places I might as well be a qualified expert in setting up my mail. Hell I should start charging my server host for handling their email troubleshooting.

The problem is POP3 has some big draw backs. The main drawback is POP3 is dumb. Just like how owning an Apple product makes you a cunt, using POP3 makes you repeat yourself a hell of a lot.

The difference between IMAP and POP3 is POP3 simply "pops" emails (see what I did there?) it just says "hey, here are all your emails, fucked if you have read them or not, I am just a POP3 server." However if you use IMAP your email is two way, if you read an email on your phone it is marked as read, delete an email on your tablet? It is deleted from the server (if you wish.)

GoogleMail is perfect for handling multiple emails and if you own an Android device it will reduce your email clients to one, just Gmail.

Here is a simple guide to making the right decision.

Step 1 - Login to your Gmail, now go make a coffee because you are a hard working son-of-a-bitch.
Step 2 - Click the giant cog (settings) on the top right of Gmail, make sure you select settings. If you fail at either of these steps I suggest the suicide for dummies books in your local library.
Step 3 - This step is if you use mail clients, if you want to simply use Gmail app and Gmail in your browser skip this step.
Step 3.1 - To enable IMAP click on forwarding and POP/IMAP tab along the top.
Step 3.2 - Scroll down to the radio buttons regarding enabling IMAP. This may come as a shock to you but now you want to select enable and click save. Big shock I know.
Step 4 - Select Accounts from the tab along the top inside of settings.
Step 5 - Setup your email in the outgoing, the second section (labelled: send mail as) is where you want to go. Click Add an address you own.
Step 6 - Fill in your details and unselect treat as an alias.
Step 7 - Select send from your own domain via SMTP. It will then ask you for your details to connect to the server. We do this step so you can still send emails from your own server than having the shitting sent from Gmail bullcrap. I mean come'on Gmail I love ya and all but I don't want people to see us together.
Step 8 - Your sending email should now be setup. Now Select check email using POP3 for getting your email from your own domain. This is under the label for send mail as.
Step 9 - This setup is very much like step 7 and should be extremely straight forward. I suggest ticking the box to leave the messages on the server just in case. It is always nice to have a backup. Be sure to keep an eye on your inbox size once a month or so, like I said it is just a nice backup incase you don't like Gmail or you find you are into homosexual relationships. Nothing against gay people, but if you don't like this new setup you may also enjoy a dick in your arse.
Step 10 - Enjoy the coffee you made in step 1 as your emails are been pulled down and you are now a demi god.

It is really is that simple, for years I have been worried about linking my email with Gmail with fears of things going wrong and down time. This method means no interruption and no more fears about missing emails and no need to change any name servers or DNS's.

I am really enjoying this new setup. Personally I use Gmail on my Android phone and then just have a tab open in my Google Chrome with Gmail open. Did I mention I had a Google tattoo on my dick?

Hope that helps you crazy scared crazies out there.

Free Vanilla PVP No Mods 1.2 Minecraft Server

1st February 2014
By Alister Sneddon

You know what the problem with most 1.2 Minecraft Servers? Hell even most Minecraft Servers?

They are scared of players using new features and having a good time. I don't want to join a server to find a list of do's and don'ts. If I want to go and set fire to every wooden house or steal the Minecraft diamonds out of all the chests, then who are they to stop me.

We at Mein Kraft the greatest PVP Minecraft Server agree that this is fucking stupid.

You know what would be better? A fair playing field where everyone can do anything, no mods, no rules, full PVP. This is the perfect 1.2 Minecraft Server.

Our Minecraft Server is free to play, you don't have to give us anything unless you are feeling extra kind. Also we do not see a problem with griefing or PVP. If you want to make some new friends take them miles away and have them dig Minecraft diamonds before killing them, you can!

Our 1.2 Minecraft Server does not have mods, our users do not have client side mods. This is the real raw Minecraft experience people where hooked on.

We like pure, which is why all our server admins have killed all relatives that were not pure blooded minecraft fans.

Go dig all day, go burn all day, go live in our 1.2 Minecraft Server all day. Our Minecraft Server is not here to make to do lists or even have you play how we want, our Minecraft Server is there so we can all have a laugh.

Build that skyscraper, defending it during the night, defend it during the day from other players. Steal some gold, trick someone to drink lava, find a creeper and hug it.

We believe in a pure Minecraft Server, so join our new 1.2 Minecraft Server today.

Server Banner
English ~ British Minecraft 1.2 Server ~ Fuck Yeah

Want more? Well we have reset our world just for Version 1.2 of Minecraft. So we have the latest and newest of everything. New villages untouched by anyone. New animals never seen by anyone. Be the very first in our Minecraft Server.

We know it's never fun to join half way through, so now is a chance to be a founder. Be the core of our Minecraft Server. You could be the first to get Iron. You could be the first pimp with your gold armour. In our Minecraft Server you can truely be king.

So join our forums or just simply jump straight into our MineCraft Server. I'll see you there.

So if you see SirProtagonist, run as fast as you can.

Top Six Worst Things About Living In Another Country

1st January 2014
By Alister Sneddon

6. You Are The One With The Accent

So you stroll into your local Subway and walk up to the counter. The pretty lady on the other side of the mystical screen guard asks what you want with a seductive wink.

"White foot long please." You reply with your British charm oozing out of you.
"Sure, what bread do you want."
"Erm I am pretty sure I told you. "White please."
"Oh, I am sorry I couldn't understand your accent. I thought you said one foot long." You both laugh as you make a mental note to never go back.

This happened to me here in Australia. When in England I simply had an English accent. Now I am in Australia I have a very strong cockney accent and sound just like Jimmy Carr.

Jimmy Carr Eating Someones Soul
Not Me

Now you are the one from faraway lands with the strange twang. This can come as a bigger shock than you would think. For one you will be repeating yourself a lot more and trying to pick up the local accent just so people hear you the first time.

5. You Lose The Ability To Detect Accents

Before I came to Australia I could pick up accents very well. To the point I could place a person in England to their stereotypical region perfectly almost every time. Now I fail to even pick up a plain British accent.

The problem is an accent that is the same as yours is not an accent, it is how you are meant to talk. You need to program yourself to listen for the normal to pick up the same accent. Four months I have been living in Australia and everyone sounds strange to me.

Sterotypical Australian Local
So Where In Iceland You From?

4. Your Common Knowledge Is Worthless

Everything you know about where you live is now wrong. Everything you say to anyone is now wrong. The problem with different countries is everyone has their own interpretation. For example in England it is rude to speak to a stranger. People keep to themselves. However in other countries it is rude to not acknowledge someone.

If you believe shaking with your right hand is common knowledge, you are wrong. Some countries you shake with your left and you look like a complete fool.

That Awkward Greeting
Sniff my what?

You are better off assuming everything is wrong and asking too many questions.

3. No One Had The Childhood You Had

What do you mean you didn't make mud pies as a children when it would rain? Probably because it is always raining in England. Oh well you really missed out.

Places are different and the culture is different, everyone knows this as a fact. What you might not know is everything you loved about your childhood is different and makes no sense to anyone else.

It is best to avoid talking about your childhood and what you go up to as you can easily sound extremely offensive without knowing what you done wrong.

2. Normal Is Totally Fucking Weird On A Whole New Scale

When it was snowing in England I was in 30 degrees C. The problem with this is it is normal. No one is sweating, no one is complaining because everyone (but me) knows it is only going to get worse.

Everything you think is strange and out of place is more often than not completely normal. Again asking too many questions can help you out here. Simply asking if the weather is always like this at this time of year can save you a ton of awkward conversations.

Also remember everything you know as normal is totally fucking weird. For example I never got a driver licence because I lived close to work and in England public transport is not the worst thing in the world (underground Kings Cross to the O2 in 20 minutes.) Problem here is everyone in Australia has a licence, simply because you have to.

1. No Understands Your Humour So Shut Up

Turns out humour is not only subjective but it is also dependent on where you are from. Sometimes your flavour of humour is extremely offensive or makes no sense. Worse your type of humour might be seen as childish! (unless that was the point.)

Do I Look Like I Want More Fucking Potatos?
I would fucking love more Potato thanks!

So you need to be extra careful who you joke around with. To the point you might find the first weeks of meeting someone new to tell them I am joking after everything you say. It's OK though, just watch some old British films and comedies to cure that home sickness!

Minecraft Sever - The Best PVP and No Rules

21st October 2013
By Alister Sneddon

So you are chilling with friends, when one of them pipes up. "Hey guys lets go play some Minecraft and have some fun." So you go on the internet and look up some Minecraft Servers. Some you need to sign up to, others have a whitelist. You even find two where you need to pay the owner. All the rest have stupid amounts of mods which turn their minecraft server in some FPS game.

The point is good servers are hard to come by. Sometimes you just want to have some fun doing what you love in Minecraft, but you want to do it online with friends.

Our Minecraft Server is designed to run the latest vanillia version of Minecraft. We don't use any mods and we don't expect you to use any mods. This is the fun and joy of single player Minecraft with friends on a Minecraft Server.

So here is why our Minecraft Server is the best PVP Server for Minecraft ever.

  • We don't use any mods and we do not allow mods. Everyone has a fair chance as the next guy.
  • There are no rules, if you want to chase your friend to the ends of the earth and push him off stealing his stuff. You can.
  • We allow griefing. The world is open to do with it what you desire. You want to turn Minecraft into a fire place, you can.
  • No whitelist, not now, not ever. We believe everyone is welcome no matter how active.
  • Only 8 slots. By keeping the slots small we can devote more resources to keeping the game fast and lag free.
  • A British owned Minecraft Server
  • We believe in fun. Do what you want how you want. No one tells you how to play Minecraft, so why should we?

Also the world has just been reset. So now is the perfect time to make your mark on the world. Build massive buildings to the sky or tunnel through the ground to find all them tasty Minecraft diamonds.

Server Banner

So join in the fun and bring your friends. Careful not to make too many enimies...

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